Mourning an Artificial Death

So, my computer is gone. Crazy, huh? No, it wasn’t stolen. It had a hard ride in a bush taxi. There’s even a crack in the back. I knew better than to take that taxi, but they convinced me to wait and take them. The last time I rode with them they had a lepper in the car. Yes, leprosy still exists and is still contagious. Anyway, the driver disappeared with the car (and my bag in it) for about 30 minutes to load up more stuff and people. I didn’t even see them drive away, or else I would have gotten my bag. They eventually showed up again and all my stuff was there, so I didn’t think anything of it. The next day, Sunday, I pull it out to do some typing only to find it won’t turn on. I turn it over and see the hairline crack right where the hard drive sits. To make a long story short, I’ve tried and tried since then, but I’m just not having any luck. Sometimes it will turn on and even load up, but soon after it always dies. Either something was shaken loose (hopefully), and therefore can easily be repaired, or else it is something broken. I opened it up and checked the RAM and it seems okay. I would need more proffesional tools to get to the rest. Luckily my neighbor, who is well-to-do and has a computer (desktop) at work, is also having trouble with his computer and he has a technician coming. I guess there might still be some hope, but I’m doubting it.
Some of you might no me well enough to know how much I really enjoy my toys… especially my computers. Knowing this, you might be worried about me and my mental stability at this point. You know, that wouldn’t be withot reason. The first day I was worried too. I couldn’t stop retracing my steps, just imagining myself waiting another day for a different bush taxi, or even just holding my bag, or taking a more expensive moto taxi (motorcycle). Hindsight is 20/20, right? That first night I was so upset that nightmares disrupted my sleep all night long. I barely slept.
The next day I was dragging a bit, and I spent a lot of time tearing into my computer and trying to repair something I couldn’t see. This just depressed me more, so I stopped and tried to relax. I decided I couldn’t stay inside any longer, so I went for a walk.
On my walk I made my usual rounds, but I didn’t feel like speaking French, so I went to visit the Dutch couple in town.
First of all, I should tell you how amazing these people are. They moved here about 7 years ago and they are working against your typical beurocracy all the time, just trying to give people free and reliable health care. Not only do these people aww me, but they also remind me of my parents. The doctor, Mary-Ann, is high strung and very into her work. The husband is the lab technician, and he is quiet and has a quirky sense of humor. Plus, you can usually find him in their garage making something. They speak English as well as French and a few other languages… it’s really nice to have someone around who speaks English.
When I got there I was surprised to find a line of people waiting for Mary-Ann. It was Monday, and she was supposed to strat work again that day. Politics and buerocracy had stopped her for a few months, and they were still stalling. They hadn’t given her permission to start practicing again, so now the sick people were at her house. Some had come 40 to 50 km to visit her with their problems.
Seeing these people was a sobering experience. Here I am wanting to talk about my dead computer when there are women with babies dyeing because the mothers are so malnutritioned they can’t make milk. Others were elderly, some had wounds thatthey were patiently nursing. Others seemed to be there to ask Mary-Ann to visit somebody at their homes because the person can’t walk.
All of this made me feel even worse about my computer problem, but now I was beating myself up more then anything. How can I worry about a computer? These people aren’t eating and some look like they’re dyeing in front of me, and I’m worried about a computer!? Stupid stupid yovo.
I asked Mary-Ann if she needed any help, but there wasn’t much I could do. I waited till the line eventually dissipated. Mary-Ann plopped down next to me, smiling as always, but looking exhausted. I told her about my stupid problem, and I told her I just was really looking for someone to talk to more than anything. Well, I can’t tell you how much better she made me feel. I don’t know if it was her smile and energy, or if it was the resemblence of my mother, or if it was the stories of all her computer and electronic tragedies, but something made me aware of reality again.
The truth of it all is that I will have another computer, it’s just a matter of time. At least I’m still alive. That stupid bush taxi was so crammed full of people and so piled high with junk on top that I should be glad I’m not dead. Screw the computer. I can live without it. At least I can still live. I’m not hungry. I’m not even sick. I’m just too rich to know that life exists beyond computers.
It’s crazy how the bad, awful things that happen are always the one that make you learn the most. At least I’m still alive and capable of learning. Anyone can make themselves miserable by dwelling on things, when actually things aren’t really that bad.
To all of you at home, have fun and don’t let things control you like I do. They are just things. What really matters is what you create in yourself and with others. If somethings not going perfectly then do like the Africans do… just smile.
Oh yeah, and don’t worry about me. I couldn’t be better.

sarah